Lucy's Drunken Secrets
by LucyXHeartifiliaXFan
Summary: Fairy Tail's resident demon is at it again. Target? Lucy. Needs? Lucy? All males out of the guild? All girls present? Recording Lacrima? Lastly..The most dangerous of all...Alcohol? Is Mira willing to pull all the stops out to find out who their little Celestial Mage is infatuated with? Will it end as a crash and burn? Or something better? Rated M for language and suggestive themes
1. Chapter 1

**Lucy's Drunken Secrets**

**Summary: Fairy Tail's resident demon is at it again. Target? Lucy Heartifilia. Needs? Lucy? Check! All males out of the guild? Check! All girls present? Check! Recording Lacrima? Check! Lastly...The most dangerous of all...Alcohol? Double Check! Is Mira willing to pull all the stops out to find out who their little Celestial Mage is infatuated witth? Will it end as a crash and burn? Or something better? Rated M for language and suggestive themes One-shot Maybe?**

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**Normal POV**

"Everyone!" Mira shouts. The guild quiets down instantly. "Alright! Listen up and listen good! All male Fairy Tail mages are going to Blue Pegasis for a week. The girls need some time at the guild without worrying about you insolent males destroying the guild." Mira pauses as all the girls giggle and snicker at the dejected males. "You are not to bother Master Bob or give him grief. And most of all: YOU ARE NOT TO BE TAKING ANY JOBS THIS WEEK OR YOU GET PUNISHMENT AS SEEN FIT BY US GIRLS!" Mira smiles sweetly, causing all males to shiver in fear. "You leave tonight. Boys go pack your vacation bags. Girls! PACK YOUR OVERNIGHT BAGS! We're speding the night at the guild!" Whooping and cheers are heard from the female population. Except for Fairy Tail's beloved Celestial Mage. Lucy Heartifilia, who is assuming that this is about her with the way Mira's eyes sparkle with excitement. That can only mean one thing...TROUBLE FOR LU-CHAN!

**~~Epic Time Skip: 4 hours later~~**

**Lucy's POV**

I'm currently being dragged into the guild behind Mira and Erza. They have no plans on letting me get out of this situation.

"Lu-chan!" Levy-chan squeals.

"So, Lucy? Who is the perfect man for you?" Evergreen asks. I jaw drop.

"EHH!? THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?!" I scream. Mira nods. I groan. "Mira can I have a chocolate shake?" I ask as I move to sit by the bar, totally not noticing the live feed recording lacrima that was being streamed to Freed and the guys of Fairy Tail.

**Mira's POV**

As I am making Lucy's shake, I can't help but snicker at the fact that a recording lacrima is in her face, but Levy is distracting her effectively. I dump a little bit of rum into the drink, showing it to the live feed recording lacrima that streams to the one Freed has.

"Here, Lucy." I say, sweetly, wondering how the alcohol will affect her.

**Lucy's POV**

I really think something's up. I slurp my shake like no tomorrow. I was making my own at home when Erza and Mira burst into my flat, effectively kidnapping me. I frown at that.

"cy! UCY! LUCY!" Erza screams. I jump, dumping half my shake on my white top.

"DAMN YOU ERZA!" I scream, causing Erza to cower. She ruined one of my favorite tops. "YOU RUINED MY PRECIOUS FLIRT SHIRT!" I roar, causing the girls to giggle and cower away from Erza as I yank my whip off my belt. "YOU WILL PAY!" I scream, seeming mad. I wink at Erza, showing her I won't actually hurt her, but I want her to play along. She sends me the slightest of nods, while continuing to cower in fear. "THIS SHIRT COST ME 500 JEWELS AND YOU MADE ME SPILL CHOCOLATE SHAKE ON IT!" I start sobbing, falling to the ground, 'dropping my whip on accident'. I suddenly grab my whip and strike at Erza, making it so it looks and sounds like it hurt, but was only a tickle. "GIMMEE THE MONEY BITCH!" I scream, as Aquarius appears, cleaning my shirt for me. I smile again like there is no problem. Aquarius smiles at me and tackles me in a hug.

"They spiked your drink." She whispered in my ear. I nodded.

"I already knew." I whispered back. Then the alcohol sets in. "MIRA~" I sing. "I WANT A SAKE!" I scream. " AND I WANNA SING TOO!" I add, causing Mira to sweatdrop.

"But who is your perfect guy?!" Mira and Evergreen whine. I giggle.

"I'll tell you at the end of the week. If you don't try to get it out of me sooner." I giggle. Mira nods reluctently. I run up to the stage and choose the song I want. I giggle as the girls crowd the stage. I take a breath before I start singing.

**Normal POV**

_**If you really want to know**_

_**What I want in a guy...**_

Lucy sings, smiling at their dumbfounded expressions.

_**Well, I'm lookin' for a dream on a mean machine**_

_**With hell in his eyes.**_

_**I want a devil in skin tight leather,**_

_**And he's gonna be wild as the wind.**_

_**And one fine night, I'll be holdin' on tight...**_

_**~Lucy swings her hips, enticingly, seeing the recording Lacrima. 'Might as well let them have their fun.' She concludes.~**_

_**To a coo-oo-ool rider, a coo-oo-ool rider**_

_**If he's cool enough,**_

_**He can burn me through and through.**_

_**Whoa ohhhh**_

_**~Lucy twirls around, keeping her hips in the swinging motion~**_

_**If it takes forever,**_

_**Then I'll wait forever.**_

_**No ordinary boy.**_

_**~Lucy sings shaking her head and fore finger~**_

_**No ordinary boy is gonna do.**_

_**I want a rider that's cool.**_

_**~Lucy smiles brightly, taking a deep breath before continuing.~**_

_**That's the way it's gonna be,**_

_**And that's the way that I feel.**_

_**I want a whole lore more than the boy next door,**_

_**I want hell one wheels.**_

_**~Lucy giggles at the girl's dumbfounded expressions.~**_

_**Just give me a fine motorcycle,**_

_**With a man growin' out of the seat.**_

_**And move aside, cause I'm gonna ride...**_

_**To a coo-oo-ool rider, a coo-oo-ool rider**_

_**If he's cool enough,**_

_**He can burn me through and through.**_

_**Whoa ohhhh**_

_**~Lucy twirls around, keeping her hips in the swinging motion~**_

_**If it takes forever,**_

_**Then I'll wait forever.**_

_**No ordinary boy.**_

_**~Lucy sings shaking her head and fore finger~**_

_**No ordinary boy is gonna do.**_

_**I want a rider that's cool.**_

_**I don't want no ordinary guys,**_

_**Comin' on strong to me.**_

_**They don't know what I'm lookin' for,**_

_**They don't know what I need.**_

_**~Lucy shakes her head as she continues twirling summoning a black motorcycle~**_

_**They're gonna know when he gets here,**_

_**Cause the crowd will be shakin'.**_

_**I'll do anything to let him know,**_

_**That I'm his, his for the takin'.**_

_**~Lucy sits on the cycle, grinding against it. '**_**Hope you boys are enjoying this show****_' She thinks with a grin~_**

_**I wanna coo-oo-ool rider.**_

_**A cool, cool, cool rider.**_

_**I wanna coo-oo-ool rider.**_

_**A cool, cool, cool rider.**_

_**I want a C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R.**_

_**I need a C-O-O-L- R-I-D-E-R.**_

_**I wanna coo-oo-ool rider.**_

_**A cool, cool, cool rider.**_

_**I wanna coo-oo-ool rider.**_

_**A cool, cool, cool rider.**_

_**I want a C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R.**_

_**I need a C-O-O-L- R-I-D-E-R.**_

Lucy slumps to the ground, breathless, as the girls scream and shout.

**At Blue Pegasis: Freed's POV**

"LAXUS! GUYS! GET OVER HERE!" I scream like mad. Suddenly Fairy Tail's men all surround me.

"WHAT'S WRONG FREED?!" Laxus asks, worried. I point at the lacrima and he puts in projection mode, only for all of Fairy Tail's men to gush out a nose bleed. There is Lucy. Innocent Lucy. Grinding against a motorcycle. Dancing so enticingly that even I can't help but want her. Singing like an angel. Look like a devil. What have we gotten ourselves into, Mira?

**At Fairy Tail: Normal POV**

Mira sneezes.

"Someone must be talking about my beauty." Mira mutters, causing Cana to sweat drop.


	2. Author's Notice

**If people want me to update this story, Lucy's Drunken Secrets, then go to my page and vote on the poll :) I appreciate all my readers!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Normal POV**

While Natsu, Freed, Laxus, and the other Fairy Tail male mages were watching Lucy on the lacrima, they completely failed to notice the beautiful blond in their presence until she started giggling. Laxus turns to her, only to look at the lacrima, which now holds the female mages looking curiously at the empty stage, and back to her, the other mages of Fairy Tail mimicing his actions. The blush on her face made it obvious that she was drunk, or so they thought **(Flashback soon will explain how they could think that. ;)**.

"Laxus.~" She sings. "If you guys wanted a show, you didn't have to sneak. Go get Sting Eucliffe, Rogue Cheney, Rufus Lohr, Orga, Hibiki, Ren, Eve, Lyon, and any other guys that you think could use a fun night and go back to Fairy Tail in about 3 hours." She says, walking over to Master Makarov and Master Bob. She whispers in Master Makarov's ear and he perks up. "Oh, and Ichyia is forbidden to enter Fairy Tail." She deadpans. Ichyia, who was following her and complimenting her parfum, cries. She then vanishes returning to Fairy Tail, while the male wonder what she was talking about, when the lacrima suddenly died. It didn't technically die, but the girls shut down the lacrima so they couldn't hear or see anything that was being done.

**~~Back at Fairy Tail, Lucy's POV~~**

"Mira! Girls! We have a job~" Lucy sings. "More accurately, I have a job." She says, stressing the "I".

"Eh?" Mira asks. Lucy sighs.

"I need you to help me. I am going to sing in front of ALL of Fairy Tail, PLUS some mages of Sabertooth, some mages of Blue Pegasis, some mages of Lamia Scale, and other mages." Lucy grins. "I need you all to help me make this a heart-stopping performance." Lucy adds. The females look uncertain. "Please." Lucy begs. "I'll pay you!" She says.

"5% commission and free pictures." Erza says. Lucy nods quickly.

"Deal!" I scream, giggling.

"Aren't you drunk, Lu-chan?" Levy asks timidly. To their surprise, she shakes her head no. "Why?" She asks.

"Well, you see...

**~~Flashback~~**

Lucy woke up after a night at a club with Cana, not remembering a thing until Loke tells her. Then Loke tells her the Spirit King felt bad about it, so he had a spell that would make it seem like Lucy is drunk, without actually getting drunk.

**~~End Flashback~~**

**Normal POV**

"Ohh." Evergreen says.

"So, Lu-chan. How long do we have till the guys get here?" Levy asks.

"2 and a half hours." Lucy says. "Mira, Lisanna. I need you two to work the bar. Evergreen, Levy, and Wendy. I need you guys back stage to help me in between my songs. Erza. Photographer/recorder. And everyone else, make sure the guild hall is appropraite!" Lucy giggles before running back stage, thinking about what she should wear for her songs. Lucy quickly sets up the stage to be appropraite with a pole, chair, microphone, and her whip. Lucy then dashes back stage to change into a tight white corset with a short, shorter than usual, white mini skirt. Lucy looks outside to see Mira with a curious look. "Hey, Mira. I need your help." Levy screams. Lucy looks at her and she points to her hair.

**~~Timeskip: Lucy's POV~~**

At this moment, I am standing behind the curtains while Mira settles everyone down. I smooth the white corset and tighten the ribbon. I grin when the guild hall quiets.

"And now, here is our lovely Celestial Mage with little performance." Mira shouts, stressing the word "little". I chuckle at her antics. Mira steps off the stage and I start the music lacrima.

**Baby, can't you see**

**I'm calling**

**A guy like you should wear a warning**

**It's dangerous**

**I'm falling**

**~I dance twirling, jumping and falling~**

**There's no escape**

**I can't wait**

**I need a hit**

**~~I twirl around the pole~**

**Baby, give me it**

**You're dangerous**

**I'm loving it**

**~I grin seductively at Sting and Rogue~**

**Too high**

**Can't come down**

**Losin' my head**

**Spinnin' 'round and 'round**

**~I spin around the pole~**

**Do you feel me now?**

**~I lean backward, both hands grabbing the pole, causing my breasts to fall out of my shirt slightly~**

**Oh,**

**The taste of your lips**

**I'm on a ride**

**You're toxic I'm slippin' under**

**With a taste of a poison paradise**

**~I grab a bottle of sake and raise it~**

**I'm addicted to you**

**Don't you know that you're toxic?**

**And I love what you do**

**Don't you know that you're toxic?**

**It's getting late**

**To give you up**

**I took a sip**

**~I take a small sip of sake~**

**From my devil's cup**

**Slowly, it's taking over me**

**~A sexy devil's cosplay outfit slowly replaces my white clothes~**

**Too high**

**Can't come down**

**It's in the air and it's all around**

**Can you feel me now?**

**Oh,**

**The taste of your lips**

**I'm on a ride**

**You're toxic I'm slipping under**

**~I twirl around the pole and lean backward into a back bend, then I kick my legs up to do a backwards flip.~**

**With a taste of a poison paradise**

**I'm addicted to you**

**Don't you know that you're toxic?**

**And I love what you do**

**Don't you know that you're toxic?**

**Don't you know that you're toxic?**

**(Oh, oh)**

**Taste of your lips**

**I'm on a ride**

**You're toxic I'm slippin' under**

**With a taste of a poison paradise**

**I'm addicted to you**

**Don't you know that you're toxic?**

**With the taste of your lips**

**I'm on a ride**

**You're toxic I'm slipping under**

**With a taste of the poison paradise**

**I'm addicted to you**

**Don't you know that you're toxic?**

**Intoxicate me now**

**With your lovin' now**

**I think I'm ready now**

**I think I'm ready npoow**

**Intoxicate me now**

**With your lovin' now**

**I think I'm ready now**

**~The music changes~**

**You've been wearing that crown and tearing me down  
It's been a while since you've treated me right  
You strung me along for far to long because I never gave up the fight  
Until now**

It's gonna hit you hard Til You see stars  
Gonna put through you a world of hurt  
Oh I don't believe in getting even but giving what you deserve  
Oh my, oh my

Mama always told me that I should play nice  
She didn't know you when she gave me that advice  
I'm through, with you  
You're one bridge I'd like to burn  
Scatter the ashes, smash the urn  
I'm through with you, la ti da  
I don't wanna be your just for fun,  
Don't wanna be under your thumb  
All I wanna be is…done  
Done

You crossed the line too many times,  
I'm gonna put you in your place  
You play with dynamite don't be surprised when I blow up in your face  
Oh my, oh my

Mama always told me that I should play nice  
She didn't know you when she gave me that advice  
I'm through, with you  
You're one bridge I'd like to burn  
Bottle up the ashes, smash the urn  
I'm through with you, la ti da  
I don't wanna be part of your fun,  
Don't wanna be under your thumb  
All I wanna be is…done  
Done

(Done) with your selfish ways  
And all the games you play  
I'm through with you and everything you say

(Fiddle Solo)

Mama told me that I should play nice  
She didn't know you when she gave that advice

Mama always told me that I should play nice  
She didn't know you when she gave that advice  
I'm through, with you  
You're one bridge I'd like to burn  
Bottle up the ashes, smash the urn  
I'm through with you, la ti da  
I don't wanna be your just for fun,  
Don't wanna be under your thumb  
All I wanna be is…done  
Done

Hey ooh,  
I wanna be done (so done)  
So done (so done)  
So done

**~The beat changes again~**

**You've got the bullets  
I've got the gun.  
I've got a hankering for getting into something**

I hit the bottle, you hit the gas,  
I heard your 65 can really haul some ass.

I'm feeling frisky, you're feeling good  
I guess the whiskey is doing what it should  
I got the cigarettes  
You've got a lighter  
And when the sun goes down we'll start a little fire

Ain't no use in trying to slow me down  
'Cause you're running with the fastest girl in town

Ain't you baby?  
I like 'em crazy.

My reputation follows me around  
Just makes me want to give them more to talk about  
Let's go to town for a little while  
I'll be wearing nothing but a tattoo and a smile

Ain't no use in trying to slow me down  
'Cause you're running with the fastest girl in town

Ain't you baby?  
You're kinda crazy.

Come on!

I see the blue lights, we better run.  
Throw out the bottle and I'll hide the gun  
If he pulls us over I'll turn on the charm  
You'll be in the slammer and I'll be on his arm.

Ain't no use in trying to slow me down  
'Cause you're running with the fastest girl in town

Ain't you baby?  
Well I told you I was crazy.  
No I ain't no body's baby.  
Hey!

He's got the bullets  
He's got a gun  
I got the hankering for getting into something.

**~winks at the crowd~**


	4. Chapter 3

Normal POV

Lucy stands on the stage, looking at the roaring crowd, breathing heavily. She hears the music lacrima change. Time to let them know who she really is, is what's going through her mind.

Lucy's POV

The next to last song starts playing. I start swinging my hips back and forth, getting into the beat of the song.

**Well, I ain't never been the Barbie doll type**

**~I imagine my wolf ears and tail and I hear the sound increase, signaling that they formed~  
No, I can't swig that sweet Champagne, I'd rather drink beer all night  
In a tavern or in a honky tonk or on a four-wheel drive tailgate  
I've got posters on my wall of Skynyrd, Kid and Strait**

Some people look down on me, but I don't give a rip

**~I smile, crawling forward, rolling over so I am laying on my back~  
I'll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip  
'Cause I'm a redneck woman  
I ain't no high class broad  
I'm just a product of my raising  
I say, 'hey ya'll' and 'yee-haw'  
And I keep my Christmas lights on**

**~I smirk and imagine lights glowing around me, tensing my muscles to do a backflip~  
On my front porch all year long  
And I know all the words to every Charlie Daniels song  
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country  
Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah**

Victoria's Secret, well their stuff's real nice  
Oh, But I can buy the same damn thing on a Wal-Mart shelf half price  
And still look sexy, just as sexy as those models on TV

**~I launch myself up, using my tail to balance me out as I kick up and twirls, flashing everyone my lacey panties~  
No I don't need no designer tag to make my man want me  
you might think I'm trashy, a little too hardcore**

**~I imagine my devil's cosplay outfit to change to a burgendy crop top, just ending beneath my breasts with a black leather mini-skirt with knee high boots. I imagne a little choker, just like a collar for a housecat with a ribbon and bell attached.~  
But in my neck of the woods I'm just the girl next door**

Hey I'm a redneck woman  
I ain't no high class broad

**~I smirk at the group, proud of the few nosebleeds that I cause~  
I'm just a product of my raising  
I say, 'hey y'all' and 'yee-haw'  
And I keep my Christmas lights on  
On my front porch all year long  
And I know all the words to every Tanya Tucker song  
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country  
Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah**

I'm a redneck woman  
I ain't no high class broad  
I'm just a product of my raising  
I say, 'hey y'all' and 'yee-haw'  
And I keep my Christmas lights on  
On my front porch all year long  
And I know all the words to every ol' Bocephus song  
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country

**~I twirl around the pole, lifting my leg, wrapping it around the pole as my tail swishes back and forth.~  
Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me,  
Hell yeah,**

Hell yeah,

I said hell yeah! 

I breathe heavily as the song ends. I raise my hands up, a grin upon my face, showing that I was proud. I do another backflip as I play just one more song. I step down and grin at Rogue as I yank him with such ease as I run up to the stage, grabbing Sting's hand and pulling him up to as I start twisting around, dancing, grinding, and teasing. I smirk as I catch Sting and Rogue's red face. I look at Rufus and wave him up as well. I start twirling around, seeming to be more like a stripper, before I suddenly leap up and perch myself on Sting and Rogue's shoulders, whispering in their ears, causing them to turn bright red, much more so when I feel my tail carrassessing their fit asses. I chuckle, barly loud enough for them to hear.

**A cross between a movie star  
And a hero in a book  
Romeo comes struttin' in  
And everybody looks  
'Cause he's just got that special thang  
That everybody needs  
And everybody wants him  
But not as bad as me**

Hey, Romeo, where art thou  
Get out here on the floor  
I want to dance you darlin'  
'Til you forget wherefore  
Let's two step to a new step  
We'll keep it all in line  
And we'll call this the Romeo  
'Cause you're so mighty fine

Romeo, Romeo, Romeo come dance with me

That sexy little body  
Beats all I've ever seen  
I ain't never seen a cowboy  
Look that good in jeans  
My temperature keeps risin'  
Every time we meet  
I may not be in love  
But let me tell you  
I'm in heat

Romeo, Romeo, I just know I'll get you yet  
Romeo, Romeo, I want to be your Juliet

So step it high, step it low  
Step it out and in  
Step to the side and let it slide  
Then steppin' up again  
Step on toes, it all goes  
Steppin' as you please  
But I'm one step away from love  
So don't step out on me

Romeo, Romeo, Romeo with the magic feet

So step it high, step it low  
Step it out and in  
Step to the side and let it slide  
Then steppin' up again  
Step on toes, it all goes  
Steppin' as you please  
But I'm one step away from love  
So don't step out on me

Romeo, Romeo  
I just know I'll get you yet  
Romeo, Romeo  
Won't you be my Juliet  
Romeo, Romeo  
Romeo, Romeo  
(Fade & Repeat)

By the end of the song, Sting and Rogue were so embarrassed as the guild bombards me with questions where I am still perched on their shoulders, my tail carrassessing them in ways they never thought possible.

"Is that a new cosplay outfit?!" Bixlow suddenly screams, causing me to flinch from the noise, a growl ripping it's way out of my throat.

**Normal POV**

"Try tugging my tail and find out what hap-OUCH!" She roars, jumping to the S-class area, holding her tail, growling whenever anyone tries coming close. The tears forming in her eyes and pained whimpers, sounding so much like a broken puppy, that Bixlow was beginning to regret having his 'babies' fry her tail.

Suddenly a dark, murderous arua fills the guild. Sting and Rogue try to high tail it out of there, but find they cannot move. None in the guild can move. Lucy flips off the banister, all her focus on transforming into her wolf form. Suddenly a bright light envelops the whole guild, causing everyone to flinch as the bind that held them in place is released. Everyone closes their eyes, however when they open their eyes, all they see is a burgundy wolf in the middle of the guild, snarls and growls ripping its way out of its throat as it watches it's new prey. They look at the poor prey, silenting sending prayers that this newfound wolfslayer won't kill...

**Gi hi. Cliffhanger. Don't kill me. Look forward to the next chappie!**

**Sting & Rogue: ~blushes remembering the performances~**

**Me: What's on your mind? Sting? Rogue?**

**~Sting and Rogue stay frozen~**

**Me: Lucy! ~sings~**

**Sting & Rogue: ~screams~**

**Lucy: Read and enjoy. ~smiles seductively at Rogue.~ I have a feast or two to enjoy.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Normal POV**

The burgundy wolf stalks forward, her eyes intent on her next meal. The Fairy Tail Mage, Bixlow.

"You fried my tail. You interupted my sentence. You ruined my performance." The wolf growls. The mages in the guild try to move, only to find they cannot. Suddenly the wolf transforms back into the lovable mage they all know, with one exception. Her blond hair has bold burgundy streaks through it. The female grins as her ears and tail pop out again.

"I got ya'll good!" She sings. "One last song?" She asks, tilting her head to the side. "Yay! My guest is here!" She screeches, running to the door, yanking the door off the hinges.

"Ultear. Fix that please?" Lucy asks, her puppy dog eyes intent on one of the three cloaked people.

"Only because you are technically my younger sister." The cloaked person sighs. "Time Ark: Reverse!"

"Arigatou, nee-chan!" Lucy says, pouncing on the cloaked figure on the left, causing the purple hair to spill out from the hood.

"Lucy! You were supposed to wait until we all were in the guild and the doors were closed!" The now unmasked female scolds. Lucy cries, running away to the backstage.

"She's just getting ready for the last few songs." Ultear explains, walking backstage where her younger sister waits.

Suddenly the music plays and Lucy steps out clapping her hands.

**Hey, good girl (hey, good girl)****  
****With your head in the clouds****  
****I bet you I can tell you****  
****What you're thinkin' about******

**You'll see a good boy (you see a good boy)****  
****Gonna give you the world****  
****But he's gonna leave you cryin'****  
****With your heart in the dirt******

**His lips are dripping honey****  
****But he'll sting you like a bee****  
****So lock up all your love and****  
****Go and throw away the key******

**Hey good girl (hey, good girl)****  
****Get out while you can****  
****I know you think you got a good man******

**_[Hook:]_****  
****Why, why you gotta be so blind?****  
****Won't you open up your eyes?****  
****It's just a matter of time 'til you find****  
****He's no good, girl****  
****No good for you****  
****You better get to getting on your goodbye shoes and go, go, go...****  
****Better listen to me****  
****He's low, low, low...******

**Hey, good girl (hey, good girl)****  
****You got a heart of gold****  
****You want a white wedding****  
****And a hand you can hold****  
****Just like you should, girl (Just like you should, girl)****  
****Like every good girl does****  
****Want a fairy tale ending, somebody to love******

**But he's really good at lying****  
****Yeah, he'll leave you in the dust****  
****'Cause when he says forever****  
****Well, it don't mean much****  
****Hey good girl (hey, good girl)****  
****So good for him****  
****Better back away honey****  
****You don't know where he's been******

**_[Hook:]_****  
****Why, why you gotta be so blind?****  
****Won't you open up your eyes?****  
****It's just a matter of time 'til you find****  
****He's no good, girl****  
****No good for you****  
****You better get to getting on your goodbye shoes and go, go, go...****  
****Yeah yeah yeah, he's low****  
****Yeah yeah yeah******

**_[Bridge:]_****  
****Oh, he's no good, girl****  
****Why can't you see?****  
****He'll take your heart and break it****  
****Listen to me, yeah******

**_[Hook/Outro:]_****  
****Why, why you gotta be so blind?****  
****Won't you open up your eyes?****  
****Just a matter of time 'til you find****  
****He's no good, he's no good******

**Won't you open up your eyes?****  
****Just a matter of time 'til you find****  
****He's no good, girl****  
****No good for you****  
****You better get to getting on your goodbye shoes**

Lucy grins at the crowd before zoning in on one cloakede mage that remains. With her wolf eyes, she sees the curealan hair of the said mage. She bounds over to the male and pulls him up onto the stage.

"Pick a song." She whispers to him.

"Hmmm..." He thinks. "How about Here for the Party?" He suggests.

"How about Fastest Girl in Town?" Lucy counters with a grin. The male sighs in defeat, causing Lucy to brighten up with a grin. I turn on the proper music as I dance with Jellal, forcing him to remove his cloak with a grin. I wink at him before I pull Laxus and Freed up on the stage, dancing and twirling around the pole. With a grin, I lunge for my whip and extend it out, lashing gently on Sting's turned back. He turns around with a glare to be met with my joyous grin. He pales before running.

**You've got the bullets****  
****I've got the gun.****  
****I've got a hankering for getting into something******

**I hit the bottle, you hit the gas,****  
****I heard your 65 can really haul some ass.******

**I'm feeling frisky, you're feeling good****  
****I guess the whiskey is doing what it should****  
****I got the cigarettes****  
****You've got a lighter****  
****And when the sun goes down we'll start a little fire******

**Ain't no use in trying to slow me down****  
****'****Cause you're running with the fastest girl in town******

**Ain't you baby?****  
****I like 'em crazy.******

**My reputation follows me around****  
****Just makes me want to give them more to talk about****  
****Let's go to town for a little while****  
****I'll be wearing nothing but a tattoo and a smile******

**Ain't no use in trying to slow me down****  
****'****Cause you're running with the fastest girl in town******

**Ain't you baby?****  
****You're kinda crazy.******

**Come on!******

**I see the blue lights, we better run.****  
****Throw out the bottle and I'll hide the gun****  
****If he pulls us over I'll turn on the charm****  
****You'll be in the slammer and I'll be on his arm.******

**Ain't no use in trying to slow me down****  
****'****Cause you're running with the fastest girl in town******

**Ain't you baby?****  
****Well I told you I was crazy.****  
****No I ain't no body's baby.****  
****Hey!******

**He's got the bullets****  
****He's got a gun****  
****I got the hankering for getting into something.**

After the song finishes, Lucy stands in the center of the stage, waiting for everyone to settle down.

_Five minutes..._

_Ten minutes now..._

_That's it. I've had enough..._

Are the thoughts that go through her head.

"SHUT UP!" Lucy roars, causing everyone to look up at her in surprise.

"I have one little surprise for everyone. Girls. Meet me back stage." Lucy says with a sadistic grin on her face.

"_**I don't like this." **_

"_**What's she planning?"**_

"_**Why does she need the girls?"**_

Everyone's waiting whispering to each other, with Lucy giggling.

"Bisca, Asuka, Wendy. I want you guys to help me. We need to raise money, so we should have an auction. I already know what to do. Wendy, could you help get the people on the stage and off the stage? They may not be happy with me." Lucy admits, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly.

"Un!" Wendy agrees enthusiastically.

"Asuka. Would you like to keep the girls occupied when it isn't their turn?" Lucy asks the little Asuka who nods. "Bisca, would you mind introducing everyone?" Lucy asks, turning to the other female mage.

"M-M-Me?" Bisca asks. Lucy nods. "What if I mess up?" Bisca stutters.

"You'll do fine, Bisca. YOU'RE not the one being auctioned off for a date..." Lucy sweatdrops.

"Alright. But you owe me, Lucy." Bisca says, causing Lucy to grin and whisper in Bisca's ear. Bisca turns bright red and nods.

"Do we have a deal?" Lucy asks. Bisca nods stiffly.


	6. Author's Notice 2

**If people want me to update this story, Lucy's Drunken Secrets, then go to my page and vote on the poll :) I appreciate all my readers!**


	7. Chapter 5

**Normal POV**

"Thanks, Bisca!" Lucy cheers. Lucy runs back stage.

"Lucy! What's going on?!" Erza demands.

"What's going on? We're having an auction!" Lucy cheers. "I just need to go ask Natsu something. Be right back!" Lucy screams as she runs out to the guild hall.

"Lucy! What's going on?!" The male members ask. Lucy smirks at them.

"Just have patience. NATSU! GET OVER HERE!" Lucy screams, running towards the fire mage. Natsu looks at Lucy curiously when she skids to a stop in front of him.

"Hey, Luce. What's up?" Natsu asks.

"Can I borrow your vest?" Lucy asks, shocking the male in front of her.

"Eto...Why?" Natsu asks, his face a light pink.

"I need it, Natsu. Please. I'll make you fire chicken for a month." Lucy bribes. At the sound of food, Natsu nods enthusiastically and takes off his vest and hands it to her.

"Don't destroy it." Natsu warns, trying to be serious. Well, as serious as one can be while drooling at the thought of food. Lucy nods, chuckling, before dashing back upstage.

"Lucy. What's going on?!" Lisanna yells.

"Kinana. Take care of serving. Mira, Lisanna. I need you backstage." Luy shouts. Mira nods and follows Lucy.

"What's going on, Lucy?" Mira asks.

"We are having an auction. The girls are the prizes. Bisca's announcing who's up and stuff. Asuka is keeping everyone backstage and Wendy is helping her." Lucy whispers. Mira nods, grinning. "I'm last. You're up first." Lucy adds. Mira grins.

"Well let's go!" Mira shouts, pulling Lucy behind her.

"Bisca!" Lucy shouts. "Mira's one! Erza's 2. Levy, 3. Juvia 4. Cana 5. Evergreen 6. Lisanna 7. I'm last." Bisca nods, writing down the order.

"All right, everyone!" Bisca shouts, popping off a shot to quiet the guild hall. The girls sit out back, swiftly getting ready for their turn.

"Time for our auction!" Bisca screams. "First up is the guild's lovely poster girl. Our very own demon! Mirajane Strauss!"

Mira steps out as music plays.

Between the lunch and dinner rush  
Kelly caught that outbound bus for Vegas  
We're all out here talking trash, making bets  
Lips wrapped round our cigarettes  
She always thought she was too good to be a waitress

Well, we all say that we'll quit someday  
When our ship comes in  
We'll just sail away

But we're just blowin' smoke  
Hey yeah  
We're just blowin' smoke  
Hey yeah  
Out here goin' broke  
Hey yeah  
We're just blowin' smoke

Well Janie got divorced again  
Her ex-husband's in the pen  
From two to five, five to ten and longer  
Brenda's traded smokes for cake  
Still hadn't lost that baby weight  
And that baby's about to graduate  
From college

I'm just flicking ash  
Into the tray  
Tell them both it'll be okay

But I'm just blowin' smoke  
Hey yeah  
I'm just blowin' smoke  
Hey yeah  
I'm out here goin' broke  
Hey yeah  
Yeah we're just blowin' smoke

We all say that we'll  
Quit someday  
When our nerves ain't shot  
And our hands don't shake, yeah  
We all say that we'll  
Quit someday  
When our nerves ain't shot  
And our hands don't shake

Wipe down the bar, take out the trash  
Light one up and count my cash  
Swear I'm never coming back again

I'm just blowin' smoke  
Hey yeah  
I'm just blowin' smoke  
Hey yeah  
Out here going broke  
Hey yeah  
Yeah we're just blowin' smoke

(Blowin smoke by: Kzcey Musgraves)

Mira dances, grinning.

"Let's start the bets at 30,000 jewels." Bisca shouts as Mira poses as a good girl.

"30,500 jewels." A voice shouts out.

"40,000 jewels." Laxus shouts.

"50,000 jewels." Freed screams.

"100,000 jewels." A random stranger yells.

"1 MILLION JEWELS." Laxus screams.

"3 MILLION JEWELS." Freed screams.

"I give up." The stranger and Laxus sigh. Freed grins.

"Sold for 3 million jewels to Freed Justine. Up next we have Erza Scarlet. Fairy Tail's own Titania!" Bisca announces. Erza steps out to the next song.

~Don't Ya-Brett Eldredge~

Erza smiles in the maid outfit, only to requip to her kitty outfit and posing.

"We'll start her biddng at 30,000 jewels." Biscsa announces.

"60,000 jewels." Jellal announces.

"60,000 jewels going once. Going twice. Sold to the cloaked man in the back!" Bisca grins at Jellal. "Now. Let's give a round of applause to our Solid Script mage. LEVY MCGARDEN!" Bisca shouts.

~What You See Is What You Get-Britney Spears~

Levy pouts, pulling out the cutest puppy dog eyes she can.

"We start the bidding for our little Script puppy at 30,000 jewels." Bisca shouts.

"45,000 jewels." Gajeel shouts.

"50,000 jewels!" Rogue shouts.

"75,000 jewels." Sting inputs.

"100,000 jewels" Gajeel growls.

"200,000 jewels." Sting screams.

"500,000 jewels!" Gajeel replies.

"1 million." Sting growls.

"2 million." Gajeel counters.

"3 million." Sting recounters.

"5 million." Gajeel snarls, punching Sting unconsious.

"5 million jewels to Gajeel." Bisca calls, trying not to laugh.

"Alright. Up next, she was formerly known as Juvia of the Deep. A former Phantom Lord mage and Elemental Four mage." Bisca says. "Give it up for Fairy Tail's very own Water Mistress, JUVIA LOCKSER!"

~I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman-Britney Spears~

Juvia smiles and creates whirlpools surrounding her body.

"500,000 jewels." Lyon yells.

"550,000 jewels." Gray yells. "She stays in this guild you bastard!"

"600,000 jewels. She deserves to be with someone who respects her!" Lyon screams.

"1 million and back off the girl I love, Lyon!" Gray roars. Lyon pouts and sinks down in his seat.

"1 million and Juvia is sold to Gray Fullbuster. Now. Here's our very own alcoholic. She can drink so much that she's almost never drunk. Give it up for our sexy alcoholic Cana Alberona!" Bisca shouts.

~Crash My Party-Luke Bryan~

"Cana can't participate in this event!" Gildarts shouts. Cana rolls her eyes.

"Take it up with the one who set this up!" Cana shouts back.

"Who's that?" Gildarts asks.

"Lucy!" Bisca shouts back. "Lucy set all this up. This entire event tonight was set up by our lovely Celestial mage." Bisca and Cana snicker.

"I'll pay 2 million for drunkie!" A slurred voice says.

"Bacchus?" Cana asks, squinting her eyes. "Hell yeah! I'm off the market now!" Cana shouts.

"Okay. Now we have Evergreen. Our resident Fairy. She's got the looks and the brains..." Bisca screams.

Evergreen steps out, swaying her hips.

~Hips Don't Lie-Shakira~

Evergreen winks at the crowd.

"Let's start the bidding at 50,000 this time." Bisca says.

"I'll pay 1 million!" Wakaba shouts.

"2 million." Macao screams.

"Those who pay 5 million is a man!" Elfman roars.

"That's 5 million for Evergreen. Anyone higher? Going once. Going twice. Sold to Elfman!" Bisca sings. "Now, we have Lisanna. Our poster girl's baby sister. Let's give a hearty welcome to Lisanna Strauss!"

~Fastest Girl in Town-Miranda Lambert~

Lisanna transforms into her Animal Soul-Tigress Soul and poses for the crowd.

"I'll pay 500,000!" Natsu shouts.

"Looks like our own Salamander has his own intersts, uh?" Bisca grins. "Yee-haw!" She adds as an afterthought. "Anyone higher? NO? Natsu wins Lisanna."

"And now. Last of tonight. Let's give it up for our very own Celestial Mage. The one who made all of this possible. Our Celestial Goddess. Lucy Heartifilia!" Bisca shouts.

Lucy steps out wearing Natsu's vest tied securely.

"Ooooh!" All the males shout.

"Thanks for letting me borrow your vest, Nastu. I'll wash it when I get home!" Lucy shouts, winking at the crowd.

~Man! I Feel Like A Woman!-Shania Twain~

Lucy poses, making sure to keep her wolf ears and tail out and in plain sight.

"How much will our Celestial Goddess bring in for us tonight? With her show and how much she's worth. I don't think any man in here will have enough to pay for her." Bisca sighs, seemingly depressed.

"5 million!" Sting and Rogue chime together.

"5.5 million!" Laxus screams.

"5.75 million!" Sting and Rogue growl.

"Looks like we have some rivalry here." Bisca comments as Sting, Rogue and Laxus throw insults and higher bids.

"My limit's at 600 million." Laxus growls.

"Our limit's at 250 million." Sting and Rogue smirk. "Each." They add as an afterthought.

"Oh my. What are we going to do. It looks like Sting and Rogue have teamed up to buy our Celestial Goddess. Anyone else going to swoop in and bid on her?" Bisca asks.

"600 million jewels." A suave voice claims. Every head whips around to Rufus Lhor.

"Rufus has entered the bidding. And with 600 million jewels. Can anyone top that? Going once. Going twice... Uh oh! Seems like Lucy has double. We have two bets on our Celestial mage, both for 600 million jewels. Lucy, what do you want to do?" Bisca screams, fangirling. Lucy whispers to Bisca. "What a night this has turned out to be. Thank you all for coming. The winners, please come up and claim your prizes." Bisca announces with a smirk. Lucy grins at Bisca, mouthing a 'Thanks. I really owe ya one. I'll give you money.' Bisca grins back with a shrug.

"Winners please move backstage to get your woman!" Bisca shouts as Lucy walks off the stage, out back with the rest of the girls. "Both Rufus and Laxus please come back stage. We will work something out considering you both placed the same amount on the same person." Bisca announces. Laxus and Rufus sigh.

**What's going to happen now? Things are going to get interesting.**


End file.
